It was nearing the end of summer and I seemed to be spending more and more time with John, it was like no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get the guy out of my head. I knew it was wrong, I was a married woman, for better or for worse and now that this amazing guy had come along I was going back on a vow. A vow that shouldn’t have been broken. I loved Justin and I truly did but everyday after the day that john had found out I found myself questioning the love that I had and whether it was real or just something that I thought was real.
One morning in mid July I texted john.
“I’m not sure how I feel anymore.” I told him
“Ali if he loved you, you wouldn’t be going through this with him.” john texted.
“John, Three years is to long to just throw something away.” I said.
“Do you love me.” He asked.
“I don’t know. I want to be with you, but you don’t know what he is capable of. You don’t know what he would do to me.” I said. “I want to love you but I’m afraid.”
“that is what I am talking about. I’ll call you tonight. Until then don’t stop texting me.”
“Why?”
“Better yet, you want to hang out?” he asked
“Sure, meet me at the river.” I said.
It took me a total of fifteen minutes to lie to Justin about where I was going and my reasons for going and to have Nathaniel in the van and be off. On the way to the river I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was afraid of how this would turn out. Nervous to say the least. Me and john got there about the same time. I jumped out of the car and ran to hug him, which was different because I never hug anybody except my Nathaniel.
“Nice to see you too” he said.
“I’m sorry.” I replied
“no need to be sorry, I liked it.” he teased. I smiled.
The time that we spent at the river I had never felt more relaxed. Never been so happy. And never smiled as much in my life. He was truly the one for me. Our time at the river became an everyday thing for me and him. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. I had grown so fond of john that a week into our little rendezvous’ I decided to leave Justin completely. And be with john alone. With help from john that is. I kicked Justin out of my little three bedroom house that I was renting from his parents and that was that. End of the picture, or so I thought.
The week I made him leave I started receiving threats through text,
“I’ll kill you”
“You’re a whore”
“If you want to keep Nathaniel I suggest you come back to me.”
Along the lines of that. It never got out of hand until one night that Justin got Nathaniel for the night after not seeing him for a week, naturally he blamed the whole mess on me knowing that if he were to call I would have no problem letting him see Nathaniel. He didn’t keep Nathaniel all night like planned, he brought him home around eleven, I layed Nathaniel down and Justin was still there so I asked him if he wanted a beer, leaving mine on the table I walked away to get his. We sat and talked for hours about Nathaniel and what he was missing and I let him spill his guts out about being sorry just to shoot him down again. It was nothing against him, I just didn’t love him anymore. I was in love with john.
I don’t remember if Justin left that night. I woke up the next morning and my arm looked like somebody had taken a razor to me and there was blood on the bed. Next to me was a note that said, there is one for every girl who was better than you. As I looked at my arm I counted fifteen. I called john immediately in tears.
“I don’t know what happened.” I cried into the phone
“Ali are you okay I got a text from you saying you weren’t” He answered.
“When?” I asked, wondering if I had texted him.
“Last night, you were asking for help.” he said, duh, obviously something had happened. I didn’t get the cuts from myself I didn’t think. I couldn’t have. I haven’t cut sense ninth grade I thought to myself. “Listen john, something happened. My arm is cut, allot, I’m afraid.” I said.
“That is it, your moving in with me.”
“I can’t it will just make it worse.” I said
“Meet me at the river tonight.”
I did as I was told and met him and let him look at my arm, and the note. I could feel his anger as he read the words out loud.
“I’ll fucking kill that bastard.” He yelled.
“John, please not in front of Nathaniel.” I plead.
”Why do you protect him?” He asked
“I’m not, I’m trying to protect Nathaniel.” I hissed.
“ Ali I’m sorry, I think it is best you and Nathan come and live with me.” He said finally
“I’ll think about it and let you know.” I said.
We kissed goodnight and headed our separate ways. I thought about it the whole ride home, the pro’s and cons. Why did he care so much? He was confusing as hell, finally I called him.
“John where are you?” I asked
“Almost home.” He Said
“Yes I will move in.”
“Thank god, now I can quit worrying about you two.”
“Hey John”
“Yeah”
“I love you.”
“I love you too ali"
One morning in mid July I texted john.
“I’m not sure how I feel anymore.” I told him
“Ali if he loved you, you wouldn’t be going through this with him.” john texted.
“John, Three years is to long to just throw something away.” I said.
“Do you love me.” He asked.
“I don’t know. I want to be with you, but you don’t know what he is capable of. You don’t know what he would do to me.” I said. “I want to love you but I’m afraid.”
“that is what I am talking about. I’ll call you tonight. Until then don’t stop texting me.”
“Why?”
“Better yet, you want to hang out?” he asked
“Sure, meet me at the river.” I said.
It took me a total of fifteen minutes to lie to Justin about where I was going and my reasons for going and to have Nathaniel in the van and be off. On the way to the river I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was afraid of how this would turn out. Nervous to say the least. Me and john got there about the same time. I jumped out of the car and ran to hug him, which was different because I never hug anybody except my Nathaniel.
“Nice to see you too” he said.
“I’m sorry.” I replied
“no need to be sorry, I liked it.” he teased. I smiled.
The time that we spent at the river I had never felt more relaxed. Never been so happy. And never smiled as much in my life. He was truly the one for me. Our time at the river became an everyday thing for me and him. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. I had grown so fond of john that a week into our little rendezvous’ I decided to leave Justin completely. And be with john alone. With help from john that is. I kicked Justin out of my little three bedroom house that I was renting from his parents and that was that. End of the picture, or so I thought.
The week I made him leave I started receiving threats through text,
“I’ll kill you”
“You’re a whore”
“If you want to keep Nathaniel I suggest you come back to me.”
Along the lines of that. It never got out of hand until one night that Justin got Nathaniel for the night after not seeing him for a week, naturally he blamed the whole mess on me knowing that if he were to call I would have no problem letting him see Nathaniel. He didn’t keep Nathaniel all night like planned, he brought him home around eleven, I layed Nathaniel down and Justin was still there so I asked him if he wanted a beer, leaving mine on the table I walked away to get his. We sat and talked for hours about Nathaniel and what he was missing and I let him spill his guts out about being sorry just to shoot him down again. It was nothing against him, I just didn’t love him anymore. I was in love with john.
I don’t remember if Justin left that night. I woke up the next morning and my arm looked like somebody had taken a razor to me and there was blood on the bed. Next to me was a note that said, there is one for every girl who was better than you. As I looked at my arm I counted fifteen. I called john immediately in tears.
“I don’t know what happened.” I cried into the phone
“Ali are you okay I got a text from you saying you weren’t” He answered.
“When?” I asked, wondering if I had texted him.
“Last night, you were asking for help.” he said, duh, obviously something had happened. I didn’t get the cuts from myself I didn’t think. I couldn’t have. I haven’t cut sense ninth grade I thought to myself. “Listen john, something happened. My arm is cut, allot, I’m afraid.” I said.
“That is it, your moving in with me.”
“I can’t it will just make it worse.” I said
“Meet me at the river tonight.”
I did as I was told and met him and let him look at my arm, and the note. I could feel his anger as he read the words out loud.
“I’ll fucking kill that bastard.” He yelled.
“John, please not in front of Nathaniel.” I plead.
”Why do you protect him?” He asked
“I’m not, I’m trying to protect Nathaniel.” I hissed.
“ Ali I’m sorry, I think it is best you and Nathan come and live with me.” He said finally
“I’ll think about it and let you know.” I said.
We kissed goodnight and headed our separate ways. I thought about it the whole ride home, the pro’s and cons. Why did he care so much? He was confusing as hell, finally I called him.
“John where are you?” I asked
“Almost home.” He Said
“Yes I will move in.”
“Thank god, now I can quit worrying about you two.”
“Hey John”
“Yeah”
“I love you.”
“I love you too ali"
