True Colors Start To Show
Growing older and changes in life, such as this, are what make us realize that we are alive and that everything happens for a reason.
With days passing, I got bigger. In fact I was the biggest that I have been in my entire life. Changes are happening everyday. Funny how life changes people. After finding out about our baby and seeing it for the first time, Justin would not leave me alone. If I wasn’t there at all times, I was cheating or leaving him and taking everything. I don’t know what made him feel like this, well I didn’t at the time, although I see now that it was a guilty conscious.
My body had started changing and I was experiencing emotions that I never knew existed. At 20 weeks I felt helpless, like I was no longer in control. that’s when everything started. That is when his true colors started to show. Little remarks. “putting on some weight?” ,“You look like a whale.” “We’ll never be the same after this.” Just a few things Justin knew would set me off. It never really bothered me before. But now something about his comments, killed me inside. I never said anything to him about it in order to keep down a fight, because that is exactly what it would have caused. An easily avoided fight. So I kept my mouth shut.
Brandi, that was her name. I never knew she existed. Neither did Justin until the fair that summer. He refused to go with me. I half thought it was because he didn’t want people to see us together because I was proof of our baby being reality. So I didn’t question him. After all he was just a 16 year old boy. So I stayed at home and watched movies.
He showed up 5 hours later which was rather unusual for him. He’d always been there for me, never staying away from me longer than he had too. All the warning signs were there. I just never saw. We stayed up almost all night together, he wasn’t supposed to stay over but he pretty much did that night. I loved him so much for it. He made it so easy for me to be myself. When he finally decided to go home it was almost light out and I knew his mom would ban him from my house. But that didn’t matter to me. As long as he was with me. I didn’t sleep that night.
I didn’t see Justin for weeks after that night. He always called, I guess to keep me from questioning his true reason for why he hadn’t come around. It was about three weeks before I got to see him. He came over that morning. Everything seemed okay. Mom had taken dad to work and it was just me and him. Brandi texted him to my surprise while I was on the phone with mom. A simple “I miss you. When are you coming home?” is what she said. I got so upset I was seeing red. I confronted Justin when he walked outside.
“Who in the hell is Brandi?” I asked, as nice as I possibly could.
“None your damn business.” was his reply.
“It is my business, seeing we are together and are having a baby together.”
My guess that is what set him off. He looked so mad. I had never seen Justin like this before. He went on to tell me that it was none of my concern what he did when I wasn’t with him, that I was controlling and what’s it matter what some girl texted him. I tried to get my words out, but before I could put a sentence together. He had hit me. The blow had stung and I was to stunned to move.
“I wouldn’t need her if you weren’t such a bitch!” he said, turning to walk up our front steps. I just stood there. What could I do? I had no clue what to say, should I run? Cry? Or just follow him?
The next thing I knew I was on my back. He had my hair. It hurt so bad. I could feel my body hit every step as he made his way up the stairs to get on the porch. I screamed. I’m not sure weather it was because it hurt or because I was afraid for my unborn babies life. When he cleared the last step I felt him let go. I sat up and cried. I tried not to let him see me. But he did.
“I didn’t want to do that. You gave me no choice.” were his exact words.
I didn’t acknowledge him, I couldn’t even look at him. He kept trying to talk to me, but I was so far away I did not hear a single word that he said. I just sat there and silently cried. Maybe I sat there to long, maybe it’s because I never answered him. But before I could turn around he had me standing, holding my arm.
“Don’t fucking ignore me, Alicia! Just because your pregnant does not give you the right, If it weren’t for me you’d be a nobody.”
I still thank god that the neighbor came over to see if my mom was home. Otherwise I don’t believe he would have let me go. I went to talk to the guy at the door and he asked what was wrong and why I was crying. To which I replied, “nothing is wrong, Just hormones.” I must have been a great actress. Because he believed me. Somewhere in the conversation, Justin left. I did not realize until I had went back into the house.
I stood in front of the mirror, surveying the bruises on my lower back and my arms. They weren’t good. I had never had bruises like these before in my life. I touched my face where he had struck me. Only a red mark remained. Thankful that it wouldn’t bruise and the bruises I had could remain a secret forever. I couldn’t let anyone know about this. After all Justin didn’t mean it. He was just mad. He never did like being called out.
I stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I never cried. I just sat there. Mom never knocked. I ate dinner when it was time and back into my room I went. Justin didn’t call that night. As a matter of fact he didn’t call much after that. I didn’t hate Justin. I forgave him instantly. I’m sure its just the stress of a new baby anyways. Things will change. I knew it.
With days passing, I got bigger. In fact I was the biggest that I have been in my entire life. Changes are happening everyday. Funny how life changes people. After finding out about our baby and seeing it for the first time, Justin would not leave me alone. If I wasn’t there at all times, I was cheating or leaving him and taking everything. I don’t know what made him feel like this, well I didn’t at the time, although I see now that it was a guilty conscious.
My body had started changing and I was experiencing emotions that I never knew existed. At 20 weeks I felt helpless, like I was no longer in control. that’s when everything started. That is when his true colors started to show. Little remarks. “putting on some weight?” ,“You look like a whale.” “We’ll never be the same after this.” Just a few things Justin knew would set me off. It never really bothered me before. But now something about his comments, killed me inside. I never said anything to him about it in order to keep down a fight, because that is exactly what it would have caused. An easily avoided fight. So I kept my mouth shut.
Brandi, that was her name. I never knew she existed. Neither did Justin until the fair that summer. He refused to go with me. I half thought it was because he didn’t want people to see us together because I was proof of our baby being reality. So I didn’t question him. After all he was just a 16 year old boy. So I stayed at home and watched movies.
He showed up 5 hours later which was rather unusual for him. He’d always been there for me, never staying away from me longer than he had too. All the warning signs were there. I just never saw. We stayed up almost all night together, he wasn’t supposed to stay over but he pretty much did that night. I loved him so much for it. He made it so easy for me to be myself. When he finally decided to go home it was almost light out and I knew his mom would ban him from my house. But that didn’t matter to me. As long as he was with me. I didn’t sleep that night.
I didn’t see Justin for weeks after that night. He always called, I guess to keep me from questioning his true reason for why he hadn’t come around. It was about three weeks before I got to see him. He came over that morning. Everything seemed okay. Mom had taken dad to work and it was just me and him. Brandi texted him to my surprise while I was on the phone with mom. A simple “I miss you. When are you coming home?” is what she said. I got so upset I was seeing red. I confronted Justin when he walked outside.
“Who in the hell is Brandi?” I asked, as nice as I possibly could.
“None your damn business.” was his reply.
“It is my business, seeing we are together and are having a baby together.”
My guess that is what set him off. He looked so mad. I had never seen Justin like this before. He went on to tell me that it was none of my concern what he did when I wasn’t with him, that I was controlling and what’s it matter what some girl texted him. I tried to get my words out, but before I could put a sentence together. He had hit me. The blow had stung and I was to stunned to move.
“I wouldn’t need her if you weren’t such a bitch!” he said, turning to walk up our front steps. I just stood there. What could I do? I had no clue what to say, should I run? Cry? Or just follow him?
The next thing I knew I was on my back. He had my hair. It hurt so bad. I could feel my body hit every step as he made his way up the stairs to get on the porch. I screamed. I’m not sure weather it was because it hurt or because I was afraid for my unborn babies life. When he cleared the last step I felt him let go. I sat up and cried. I tried not to let him see me. But he did.
“I didn’t want to do that. You gave me no choice.” were his exact words.
I didn’t acknowledge him, I couldn’t even look at him. He kept trying to talk to me, but I was so far away I did not hear a single word that he said. I just sat there and silently cried. Maybe I sat there to long, maybe it’s because I never answered him. But before I could turn around he had me standing, holding my arm.
“Don’t fucking ignore me, Alicia! Just because your pregnant does not give you the right, If it weren’t for me you’d be a nobody.”
I still thank god that the neighbor came over to see if my mom was home. Otherwise I don’t believe he would have let me go. I went to talk to the guy at the door and he asked what was wrong and why I was crying. To which I replied, “nothing is wrong, Just hormones.” I must have been a great actress. Because he believed me. Somewhere in the conversation, Justin left. I did not realize until I had went back into the house.
I stood in front of the mirror, surveying the bruises on my lower back and my arms. They weren’t good. I had never had bruises like these before in my life. I touched my face where he had struck me. Only a red mark remained. Thankful that it wouldn’t bruise and the bruises I had could remain a secret forever. I couldn’t let anyone know about this. After all Justin didn’t mean it. He was just mad. He never did like being called out.
I stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I never cried. I just sat there. Mom never knocked. I ate dinner when it was time and back into my room I went. Justin didn’t call that night. As a matter of fact he didn’t call much after that. I didn’t hate Justin. I forgave him instantly. I’m sure its just the stress of a new baby anyways. Things will change. I knew it.
