Cold Feet Should Have Warned Me
The next morning was a blur. I was up at 8 and immediately heading over to the church to set up for the reception. I was shaking all over and I could feel myself slowly becoming bitter. Not because I wanted too, I think it was more of the fact that tonight was my last night as an 18 year old. Tonight was my last night as Alicia Ondo, tomorrow at noon, I would become Mrs. Justin Gay. It was a lot for me to take in. We flew through the rehearsal like it was nothing. Though I didn’t get my wishes, and we weren’t writing our own vows. We were still getting married. I had never been so happy, so sure and yet so unsure about anything. Ever. Brother Russ talked us, well me, through the whole wedding plans, read to me what he would be saying. It was magical. Though all Justin really did was cut up with his best men. Which was pretty normal for him.
When we left the church, we all went to my mom’s and dad’s for dinner. I never told anybody how I was feeling. About how I had realized while at the rehearsal that I didn’t want to marry Justin. That I was scared. That I felt pressured because of Nathan. I played it cool and kept it all in. It was for the best that way, nobody would get hurt. And besides, as far as I knew it was just a case of cold feet, or so I have been told by numerous people. Many married couples went through it and they were doing fine. It was really nothing to worry about.
Mom was going to make taco’s and I was excited for that. I loved taco’s more than anything that my mom ever cooked. It was like the key to my heart. I was in the middle of eating when Keisha showed up. We tried our best to convince mom to tag along and everybody else to for that matter, but nobody would. It kind of made my heart sink. After finally getting a hold of Tiffany, she had agreed to come. I was over excited. I love Tiffany so much, after all. What is a party without the girl who will and always be your best friend. On the way to pick her up, me and Keisha talked for what would be the first of many times that we did.
“You know Ali, I never hated you. I just work all the time. I always have wanted to hang out with you, you seem like you would be a lot of fun, but its like I can’t catch a break.” She said.
I was shocked.
“It’s cool. I would say that I understand but I don’t work.” I replied and we both laughed.
“I hope that you are excited over tonight. I worked really hard.” She said.
“I’m sure it will be a blast.” I said.
Before I realized we were at Tiffany’s and she was running out to us as fast as she could. I was so excited to see her, it was scary. It seems like no time after we left Tiffany’s that we were at Keisha’s and starting in on a cooler that was full of all kinds of alcohol, out by the pool with the backstreet boys playing. After throwing a few back and watching everybody cut loose, laughing over nothing and tripping over a rock, Keisha brought out the best cake I have ever seen. Shaped as a penis, it said “lick me” in pink across the balls that she had painted blue. I laughed at the sight. We ate cake and kept on how we were when Keisha’s brother Kegan came storming out of the house.
“I’m telling mom and Justin that you guys are drinking.” He said.
Keisha looked at me and laughed.
“Here, you can have one too.” I said grabbing a beer and walking toward him. He looked so excited. But wouldn’t any 16 year old be if offered beer. He went to reach for it and as soon as he did I grabbed him in a hug and we were in the pool. He was so mad that his ears were red.
“Did you honestly think Ali was going to give you one. Go inside and leave us alone.” Keisha said to her brother. And with that he stormed off.
The party continued until about two or three in the morning I don’t really remember. But I know by four we were at the trailer where me and Tiffany were going to stay the night and Justin would be there with Jonathan, his best man, to get us in the morning. When we got there the door was locked. I banged on it and Jonathan answered. I hugged the hell out of him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I was about to ask you the same, little missy.” He replied.
Then that smell hit me. They were smoking pot, but who cares. Tonight I didn’t. I wanted to be as free as I could be. I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down. Nothing at all.
We got inside and Justin was three sheets to the wind. Tiffany took a few hits off the bong that was being passed between Jonathan, Chad and Justin, I refused. There was no need in me making tomorrow morning any worse for me than what it will be. I knew for sure that I would have a hangover from hell. After she got done me and her headed into the back room where we were going to pass out. We were sitting on the bed, and Justin walked in.
“Tiff, why don’t me and you, you know.” He asked then laughed. “I’m just kidding but Seriously Tiffany Jonathan is wanting to get with you pretty bad.”
Tiffany looked at me. I just sat there and with that she was gone. But was back within a few seconds.
“I need to be alone with Ali.” She demanded
And like that Justin was gone.
“Ali I want to be with jonathan like that but I’m flipping out, what if it turns into something more.” She confided in me
“Then don’t do it Tiff, Hunny. If you don’t want too and he makes you that is rape and I’ll kill him.” I said.
“I love you Ali” She said
“I love you too Tiff.” I replied
Then it happened. Out of nowhere. I felt her lips on mine. We were kissing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I pushed her off.
“Tiff, I can’t.” I said
“But Ali didn’t you like it?” she asked
I sat there for a minute to think about it and she was right. I did like it. It was strange. But then again it wasn’t strange at all, it was like that is what was meant for me.
“I just can’t.” I said.
“I understand.” She said as I hugged her.
Just then Justin walked into the backroom.
“I want a threesome” He insisted.
“Well keep wanting” Me and Tiffany said at the same time.
“You’ll give me what I want.” He said as he stepped toward us.
Tiffany ran out of the room and left me in there.
“Justin don’t fuck with me.” I said but it was to late I was pinned to the bed.
I started kicking and hitting and biting. I looked around and I was alone in that room with him.
“HELP! JONATHAN!” I screamed as loud as I could.
Before I knew it Justin was being dragged off of me and I was able to get out throw the side door.
I could here yelling in the house, and what sounded like stuff breaking and I just sat there outside on the bench crying. Just letting it happen. It was about ten minutes later Justin came out with blood dripping from his nose and told me that he was sorry he had to leave, and he took off running. I just let him go. I didn’t want to be near him. Why in the hell would he do this tonight? Everybody was here. Why? It wasn’t long after that, that Jonathan came outside with a blanket and a cigarette.
“Figured you needed these.” He said as he sat down beside me.
“Yeah.” I said fighting back the tears.
“Ali why are you going to do this? Why do you put up with it?” He asked.
I looked at him in tears.
“Because I love him.” I said.
I broke down on that bench, with him sitting right there. Justin’s best friend. And he had ran him off, had saved me. Now he was here for me. It made no sense. None to me at all, but I let it happen. I don’t exactly know why Jonathan did what he did that night, nor have I asked. I believe that he was there for a reason and I’m glad that he was.
When we left the church, we all went to my mom’s and dad’s for dinner. I never told anybody how I was feeling. About how I had realized while at the rehearsal that I didn’t want to marry Justin. That I was scared. That I felt pressured because of Nathan. I played it cool and kept it all in. It was for the best that way, nobody would get hurt. And besides, as far as I knew it was just a case of cold feet, or so I have been told by numerous people. Many married couples went through it and they were doing fine. It was really nothing to worry about.
Mom was going to make taco’s and I was excited for that. I loved taco’s more than anything that my mom ever cooked. It was like the key to my heart. I was in the middle of eating when Keisha showed up. We tried our best to convince mom to tag along and everybody else to for that matter, but nobody would. It kind of made my heart sink. After finally getting a hold of Tiffany, she had agreed to come. I was over excited. I love Tiffany so much, after all. What is a party without the girl who will and always be your best friend. On the way to pick her up, me and Keisha talked for what would be the first of many times that we did.
“You know Ali, I never hated you. I just work all the time. I always have wanted to hang out with you, you seem like you would be a lot of fun, but its like I can’t catch a break.” She said.
I was shocked.
“It’s cool. I would say that I understand but I don’t work.” I replied and we both laughed.
“I hope that you are excited over tonight. I worked really hard.” She said.
“I’m sure it will be a blast.” I said.
Before I realized we were at Tiffany’s and she was running out to us as fast as she could. I was so excited to see her, it was scary. It seems like no time after we left Tiffany’s that we were at Keisha’s and starting in on a cooler that was full of all kinds of alcohol, out by the pool with the backstreet boys playing. After throwing a few back and watching everybody cut loose, laughing over nothing and tripping over a rock, Keisha brought out the best cake I have ever seen. Shaped as a penis, it said “lick me” in pink across the balls that she had painted blue. I laughed at the sight. We ate cake and kept on how we were when Keisha’s brother Kegan came storming out of the house.
“I’m telling mom and Justin that you guys are drinking.” He said.
Keisha looked at me and laughed.
“Here, you can have one too.” I said grabbing a beer and walking toward him. He looked so excited. But wouldn’t any 16 year old be if offered beer. He went to reach for it and as soon as he did I grabbed him in a hug and we were in the pool. He was so mad that his ears were red.
“Did you honestly think Ali was going to give you one. Go inside and leave us alone.” Keisha said to her brother. And with that he stormed off.
The party continued until about two or three in the morning I don’t really remember. But I know by four we were at the trailer where me and Tiffany were going to stay the night and Justin would be there with Jonathan, his best man, to get us in the morning. When we got there the door was locked. I banged on it and Jonathan answered. I hugged the hell out of him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I was about to ask you the same, little missy.” He replied.
Then that smell hit me. They were smoking pot, but who cares. Tonight I didn’t. I wanted to be as free as I could be. I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down. Nothing at all.
We got inside and Justin was three sheets to the wind. Tiffany took a few hits off the bong that was being passed between Jonathan, Chad and Justin, I refused. There was no need in me making tomorrow morning any worse for me than what it will be. I knew for sure that I would have a hangover from hell. After she got done me and her headed into the back room where we were going to pass out. We were sitting on the bed, and Justin walked in.
“Tiff, why don’t me and you, you know.” He asked then laughed. “I’m just kidding but Seriously Tiffany Jonathan is wanting to get with you pretty bad.”
Tiffany looked at me. I just sat there and with that she was gone. But was back within a few seconds.
“I need to be alone with Ali.” She demanded
And like that Justin was gone.
“Ali I want to be with jonathan like that but I’m flipping out, what if it turns into something more.” She confided in me
“Then don’t do it Tiff, Hunny. If you don’t want too and he makes you that is rape and I’ll kill him.” I said.
“I love you Ali” She said
“I love you too Tiff.” I replied
Then it happened. Out of nowhere. I felt her lips on mine. We were kissing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I pushed her off.
“Tiff, I can’t.” I said
“But Ali didn’t you like it?” she asked
I sat there for a minute to think about it and she was right. I did like it. It was strange. But then again it wasn’t strange at all, it was like that is what was meant for me.
“I just can’t.” I said.
“I understand.” She said as I hugged her.
Just then Justin walked into the backroom.
“I want a threesome” He insisted.
“Well keep wanting” Me and Tiffany said at the same time.
“You’ll give me what I want.” He said as he stepped toward us.
Tiffany ran out of the room and left me in there.
“Justin don’t fuck with me.” I said but it was to late I was pinned to the bed.
I started kicking and hitting and biting. I looked around and I was alone in that room with him.
“HELP! JONATHAN!” I screamed as loud as I could.
Before I knew it Justin was being dragged off of me and I was able to get out throw the side door.
I could here yelling in the house, and what sounded like stuff breaking and I just sat there outside on the bench crying. Just letting it happen. It was about ten minutes later Justin came out with blood dripping from his nose and told me that he was sorry he had to leave, and he took off running. I just let him go. I didn’t want to be near him. Why in the hell would he do this tonight? Everybody was here. Why? It wasn’t long after that, that Jonathan came outside with a blanket and a cigarette.
“Figured you needed these.” He said as he sat down beside me.
“Yeah.” I said fighting back the tears.
“Ali why are you going to do this? Why do you put up with it?” He asked.
I looked at him in tears.
“Because I love him.” I said.
I broke down on that bench, with him sitting right there. Justin’s best friend. And he had ran him off, had saved me. Now he was here for me. It made no sense. None to me at all, but I let it happen. I don’t exactly know why Jonathan did what he did that night, nor have I asked. I believe that he was there for a reason and I’m glad that he was.
