The First Of Firsts
Settling in with a new born was a lot harder than expected. From midnight feedings to knowing what cry meant what, but for the most part I can honestly say that Nathaniel was a great baby. Though rarely he cried, I learned quick how to pick up on what each cry meant. According to mom I was progressing into motherhood nicely, almost as if it were natural. I would sleep when he slept and when he would stir I would be up in an instant to check and make sure that he was alright. It was strange how sharp that my hearing had become. It wasn’t long until me and Nathaniel were co-sleeping in my twin size bed.
It was about two days after we came home that Justin had even come to see him. The whole time I spent listening to my dad spit out how he needed to man up, that I didn’t need to be doing all the work that if Justin was man enough to help make a baby he should be man enough to at least come see the kid. I shook it off. Things were rough for Justin right now. His mom had become “Overbearing” as he put it, and on top of that he was dealing with school and football. The baby was just another thing for him to have to worry about. And I didn’t want to stress him out to bad. We waited all that day for Justin to come. Finally he called. I answered immediately.
“Hey, before you stop by I need you to stop by the store and pick up gauze and petroleum jelly for Nathaniel, we are out and the doctor said that he had to have it because of the circumcision.”
“Actually I was calling to tell you that mom doesn’t want me to come over, but I’m sure if I tell her that she will let me.” he replied.
“Well you better do something.” I said and hung up.
Where does she come off telling him he can’t come see his son. Honestly. I thought as I walked out to see if mom would run me to the store so we could pick some up. As I reached for the door, my phone started to vibrate. It was a text.
“ On my way. Love you.”
To which I replied, “Thank god.”
It wasn’t but half an hour until Justin got to the house. By that time everybody was asleep. My family has always been strange and gone to bed super early. He was so excited, he didn’t even acknowledge me, he ran right to Nathaniel. That hurt, I haven’t seen him in two whole days and he ran right past me, not even a hey Ali, you ok. How are you holding up? Just right to Nathaniel. But I can’t blame him. I would have done the same. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to not have him there with me all the time. Finally after sitting there for a good fifteen minutes, he looked over at me.
“Mom and me were talking. Next weekend, do you want to bring Nathaniel and come over? She would like to see him and my dad really wants to meet him and so does papaw Jl.” He asked.
Oh really? Now she wants to see him, what about when I was in the hospital? Why couldn’t she come here to see him? I was just about to blurt it out but caught myself.
“Sure, I’ll have to ask mom and dad but we would love too.” I said.
“You know Christmas is in three weeks and we haven’t even got him anything yet.” Justin said.
Why were we going to shop for him this year. He’ll only be a month old. I’ll never understand why he wanted to get him things. He was to young to play with them and he wouldn’t remember anyways. All we will have is pictures. I thought to myself.
“Mom offered to watch him while we went Christmas shopping.” He said, catching me off guard.
“Okay”, I said, “Sounds like a deal.”
I didn’t like the fact that it would be a whole evening away from Nathaniel but I could use a break. The past couple days have been exhausting and according to mom, it was just going to get worse. We sat there and played with Nathaniel for a little while and we joked around for about an hour. It was getting close to time for Justin to have to head home. He looked at me, dead in the face and said, “Can I tell you something.”
“Well I don’t see why not.” I replied.
“There for awhile, I didn’t think Nathaniel was mine. That is why mom never liked you. I told her that I think you cheated on me and that is why you got pregnant. I didn’t want her to know that I had done it or that we were even having sex so I told her that I was going to dump you if I was right.”, He said
I felt like I had been shot, what the hell? I had better common sense than that, Justin was the only person I have ever been with. Why would I cheat on him? I love him.
“I see. Well is he yours or are you still going to leave me?” I asked.
“Ali, it’s not like that. I didn’t know what else to tell her.” He replied.
“So you told her I was a cheater?” I asked, well, almost yelled.
“She knows the truth now and that is why she wants you to come over. She wants to make things right.” He said
“I don’t think it is her who should be making things right, Justin. I think that it is you who should be. Is there anything else I need to know?: I was fuming.
“No” he lied.
“It’s getting late, I think you should head home.” I said
“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I just wanted you to know the truth that way there wouldn’t be no fighting, and your right. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and with that he was gone. I was more than happy to see him leave. How could he do that? I never did anything to be lied about the way that he had lied about me. The thought made my blood boil.
It wasn’t long until Nathaniel was asleep, and Justin sent me countless I’m sorry texts. I ignored about 15 of them before I texted him back to tell him that Nathaniel was asleep and if he didn’t quit texting that it would wake him up. With that the texts stopped and I was able to cool off and get some rest. I wasn’t asleep but two hours until Nathaniel was up and ready to eat. Why did I even try to breast feed? I asked myself. I hate having to get up every two hours. I wish you would just sleep through the night. I thought as I lifted up my shirt and undid my bra so Nathaniel could latch on. Almost instantly he was quiet and I was up for a good thirty minutes trying to make sure that he ate instead of just laying there with my breast in his mouth like he did every so often. I flipped on the television and went straight to watching adult swim. At least there was something good on. I picked up my phone and looked to see if anyone had called while I was asleep, it was my dad, no not my step dad but my real dad. I felt the anger start to build up. I shut my phone off, fastened my bra and went back to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to Justin standing in the doorway. What a surprise! What was he doing here so early, its 6 am on a Saturday.
“Lets ask your parents about next weekend together. And maybe see if you can come over today.” He said.
“Okay, just let me feed Nathaniel first.” I said.
“Cool, I’m going to chill in the living room with Heather for a bit then.” He said.
Have fun, I mumbled.
After I was done feeding Nathaniel I got dressed then dressed him. We had to match. Whatever color he was wearing my shirt had to match. It is weird thinking back on it but at the time it felt like it was right. Mom and Justin were laughing when we walked out of the room.
“Well at least she still dolls herself up, after I had my oldest, I refused to wear make up.” She said, referring to my eyeliner.
I never went anywhere without it. I guess I’m just an eyeliner person. I never did to much before I did anything but my eyeliner was a must.
“Real funny mom.” I half smiled.
“Yes you can go with Justin.” she said.
“How do you know I was even going to ask?” I asked
“Justin beat you to it.” she said.
“Jerk.” I said and smiled at Justin.
My mom and him both started to laugh.
Justin hooked up the car seat, well attempted too, while I was packing the diaper bag. And as soon as I was finished I rushed to the car. I was kind of excited to get to go over there without mom and without having to worry about a fight. This was great. By the time I got outside mom and Justin were bickering.
“Just move over. Let me do it. Your helpless.” mom said with a laugh.
She jumped in the back seat of the firebird and like nothing the car seat was in.
“Well aren’t you a genius?” Justin said
“Boy, don’t make me hit you.” Replied my mom.
The bickered and I sat back and laughed. I had never enjoyed seeing those two go at it more in my life. Before I knew it mom was chasing Justin around trying to hit him.
“Hurry Ali.” He said.
Mom was walking back towards me.
“He got lucky”, she said laughing. “Give me a kiss. I love you.”
“Love you too mom.” I said and with that we were off.
Justin was quiet the whole way to his house but that didn’t bother me. I was singing along with the radio. It seemed like in no time we were there and his mom was rushing the car to get Nathaniel. She grabbed him up, hugged me and started kissing the poor child like crazy. Me and Justin looked at each other and we both laughed. We followed her into the house where Justin’s dad sat.
“Let me see that boy.” Justin’s dad, Wayne, said.
“I just got him” Said Justin’s mom, Jana.
“Mom, while you two are fighting over the baby, I’m going to show Ali the house.” he said.
His house was huge. I’ve been here before but I had never been all the way through it. We got to his room and his mom was waiting on us.
“Dinner’s done.” She said as she looked at me and smiled the most friendly smile that I had ever seen.
“Okay, I’m starving.” Justin said.
With that we were back into the living room for dinner. I had hardly realized but it was dark outside already.
“Ali, how about you call and see if you can stay the night, that way I don’t have to get out and drive you.” Jana said.
“umm… okay.” I replied.
“It was Wayne’s idea.” She said and smiled.
Wayne looked at me and winked. Then turned back to Nathaniel.
I called mom and got the okay, it was a lot easier than I thought. I knew for sure she was going to make me come home but she didn’t. She was actually okay with it. We sat there at the table, me and Jana, smoking as she told me stories about Justin when he was a baby. It was so funny I had lost track of time. Nathaniel started to cry and when he did I felt my breast start to fill with milk.
“I’m sorry to cut you short but Nathaniel is hungry and I’m extremely sleepy. I am going to take him into Justin’s room feed him then go to bed.” I said
“I don’t blame you, have a good sleep.” she called out as me and Nathaniel walked down the hall.
Justin was already in the room. Laying in bed.
“Finally decide to join me?” he asked
“You’re a prev.” I replied.
I undid my shirt and Nathaniel latched on. I thought to myself how perfect this was. I had my whole family together. It was a feeling I could get used too. It sucked that I had to go home tomorrow but at least for tonight I was allowed to be whole. This was the beginning of something amazing. The first of a million firsts to come.
It was about two days after we came home that Justin had even come to see him. The whole time I spent listening to my dad spit out how he needed to man up, that I didn’t need to be doing all the work that if Justin was man enough to help make a baby he should be man enough to at least come see the kid. I shook it off. Things were rough for Justin right now. His mom had become “Overbearing” as he put it, and on top of that he was dealing with school and football. The baby was just another thing for him to have to worry about. And I didn’t want to stress him out to bad. We waited all that day for Justin to come. Finally he called. I answered immediately.
“Hey, before you stop by I need you to stop by the store and pick up gauze and petroleum jelly for Nathaniel, we are out and the doctor said that he had to have it because of the circumcision.”
“Actually I was calling to tell you that mom doesn’t want me to come over, but I’m sure if I tell her that she will let me.” he replied.
“Well you better do something.” I said and hung up.
Where does she come off telling him he can’t come see his son. Honestly. I thought as I walked out to see if mom would run me to the store so we could pick some up. As I reached for the door, my phone started to vibrate. It was a text.
“ On my way. Love you.”
To which I replied, “Thank god.”
It wasn’t but half an hour until Justin got to the house. By that time everybody was asleep. My family has always been strange and gone to bed super early. He was so excited, he didn’t even acknowledge me, he ran right to Nathaniel. That hurt, I haven’t seen him in two whole days and he ran right past me, not even a hey Ali, you ok. How are you holding up? Just right to Nathaniel. But I can’t blame him. I would have done the same. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to not have him there with me all the time. Finally after sitting there for a good fifteen minutes, he looked over at me.
“Mom and me were talking. Next weekend, do you want to bring Nathaniel and come over? She would like to see him and my dad really wants to meet him and so does papaw Jl.” He asked.
Oh really? Now she wants to see him, what about when I was in the hospital? Why couldn’t she come here to see him? I was just about to blurt it out but caught myself.
“Sure, I’ll have to ask mom and dad but we would love too.” I said.
“You know Christmas is in three weeks and we haven’t even got him anything yet.” Justin said.
Why were we going to shop for him this year. He’ll only be a month old. I’ll never understand why he wanted to get him things. He was to young to play with them and he wouldn’t remember anyways. All we will have is pictures. I thought to myself.
“Mom offered to watch him while we went Christmas shopping.” He said, catching me off guard.
“Okay”, I said, “Sounds like a deal.”
I didn’t like the fact that it would be a whole evening away from Nathaniel but I could use a break. The past couple days have been exhausting and according to mom, it was just going to get worse. We sat there and played with Nathaniel for a little while and we joked around for about an hour. It was getting close to time for Justin to have to head home. He looked at me, dead in the face and said, “Can I tell you something.”
“Well I don’t see why not.” I replied.
“There for awhile, I didn’t think Nathaniel was mine. That is why mom never liked you. I told her that I think you cheated on me and that is why you got pregnant. I didn’t want her to know that I had done it or that we were even having sex so I told her that I was going to dump you if I was right.”, He said
I felt like I had been shot, what the hell? I had better common sense than that, Justin was the only person I have ever been with. Why would I cheat on him? I love him.
“I see. Well is he yours or are you still going to leave me?” I asked.
“Ali, it’s not like that. I didn’t know what else to tell her.” He replied.
“So you told her I was a cheater?” I asked, well, almost yelled.
“She knows the truth now and that is why she wants you to come over. She wants to make things right.” He said
“I don’t think it is her who should be making things right, Justin. I think that it is you who should be. Is there anything else I need to know?: I was fuming.
“No” he lied.
“It’s getting late, I think you should head home.” I said
“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I just wanted you to know the truth that way there wouldn’t be no fighting, and your right. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and with that he was gone. I was more than happy to see him leave. How could he do that? I never did anything to be lied about the way that he had lied about me. The thought made my blood boil.
It wasn’t long until Nathaniel was asleep, and Justin sent me countless I’m sorry texts. I ignored about 15 of them before I texted him back to tell him that Nathaniel was asleep and if he didn’t quit texting that it would wake him up. With that the texts stopped and I was able to cool off and get some rest. I wasn’t asleep but two hours until Nathaniel was up and ready to eat. Why did I even try to breast feed? I asked myself. I hate having to get up every two hours. I wish you would just sleep through the night. I thought as I lifted up my shirt and undid my bra so Nathaniel could latch on. Almost instantly he was quiet and I was up for a good thirty minutes trying to make sure that he ate instead of just laying there with my breast in his mouth like he did every so often. I flipped on the television and went straight to watching adult swim. At least there was something good on. I picked up my phone and looked to see if anyone had called while I was asleep, it was my dad, no not my step dad but my real dad. I felt the anger start to build up. I shut my phone off, fastened my bra and went back to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to Justin standing in the doorway. What a surprise! What was he doing here so early, its 6 am on a Saturday.
“Lets ask your parents about next weekend together. And maybe see if you can come over today.” He said.
“Okay, just let me feed Nathaniel first.” I said.
“Cool, I’m going to chill in the living room with Heather for a bit then.” He said.
Have fun, I mumbled.
After I was done feeding Nathaniel I got dressed then dressed him. We had to match. Whatever color he was wearing my shirt had to match. It is weird thinking back on it but at the time it felt like it was right. Mom and Justin were laughing when we walked out of the room.
“Well at least she still dolls herself up, after I had my oldest, I refused to wear make up.” She said, referring to my eyeliner.
I never went anywhere without it. I guess I’m just an eyeliner person. I never did to much before I did anything but my eyeliner was a must.
“Real funny mom.” I half smiled.
“Yes you can go with Justin.” she said.
“How do you know I was even going to ask?” I asked
“Justin beat you to it.” she said.
“Jerk.” I said and smiled at Justin.
My mom and him both started to laugh.
Justin hooked up the car seat, well attempted too, while I was packing the diaper bag. And as soon as I was finished I rushed to the car. I was kind of excited to get to go over there without mom and without having to worry about a fight. This was great. By the time I got outside mom and Justin were bickering.
“Just move over. Let me do it. Your helpless.” mom said with a laugh.
She jumped in the back seat of the firebird and like nothing the car seat was in.
“Well aren’t you a genius?” Justin said
“Boy, don’t make me hit you.” Replied my mom.
The bickered and I sat back and laughed. I had never enjoyed seeing those two go at it more in my life. Before I knew it mom was chasing Justin around trying to hit him.
“Hurry Ali.” He said.
Mom was walking back towards me.
“He got lucky”, she said laughing. “Give me a kiss. I love you.”
“Love you too mom.” I said and with that we were off.
Justin was quiet the whole way to his house but that didn’t bother me. I was singing along with the radio. It seemed like in no time we were there and his mom was rushing the car to get Nathaniel. She grabbed him up, hugged me and started kissing the poor child like crazy. Me and Justin looked at each other and we both laughed. We followed her into the house where Justin’s dad sat.
“Let me see that boy.” Justin’s dad, Wayne, said.
“I just got him” Said Justin’s mom, Jana.
“Mom, while you two are fighting over the baby, I’m going to show Ali the house.” he said.
His house was huge. I’ve been here before but I had never been all the way through it. We got to his room and his mom was waiting on us.
“Dinner’s done.” She said as she looked at me and smiled the most friendly smile that I had ever seen.
“Okay, I’m starving.” Justin said.
With that we were back into the living room for dinner. I had hardly realized but it was dark outside already.
“Ali, how about you call and see if you can stay the night, that way I don’t have to get out and drive you.” Jana said.
“umm… okay.” I replied.
“It was Wayne’s idea.” She said and smiled.
Wayne looked at me and winked. Then turned back to Nathaniel.
I called mom and got the okay, it was a lot easier than I thought. I knew for sure she was going to make me come home but she didn’t. She was actually okay with it. We sat there at the table, me and Jana, smoking as she told me stories about Justin when he was a baby. It was so funny I had lost track of time. Nathaniel started to cry and when he did I felt my breast start to fill with milk.
“I’m sorry to cut you short but Nathaniel is hungry and I’m extremely sleepy. I am going to take him into Justin’s room feed him then go to bed.” I said
“I don’t blame you, have a good sleep.” she called out as me and Nathaniel walked down the hall.
Justin was already in the room. Laying in bed.
“Finally decide to join me?” he asked
“You’re a prev.” I replied.
I undid my shirt and Nathaniel latched on. I thought to myself how perfect this was. I had my whole family together. It was a feeling I could get used too. It sucked that I had to go home tomorrow but at least for tonight I was allowed to be whole. This was the beginning of something amazing. The first of a million firsts to come.
