Amber
As the months past, I grew more in to exhaustion with each passing day. I was not only a mother to Nathaniel, but now it would seem that I was nurturing Justin as if I were his mother, too. From shaving his face for him because it physically hurt him to move to crying with him when he said that the walker hurt and he didn’t want to go through the pain of trying to walk ever again. I grew more emotional and yet, I found more strength within me than I had ever known possible. Countless times before this I had pulled him up the ramp in his wheel chair. Knowing that when I got inside that I would be the one to push him wherever he needed to go. But today, Jana had bought Justin a motorized wheelchair. I couldn’t shake the excitement. I had taken him out for the day and tried to hide every bit of it. I wasn’t just excited for him. I was excited for me too. In fact, I felt a sense of freedom. The wheelchair had bound me to Justin. And now that it was gone. Now I was gaining myself, I wasn’t just the one that Justin relied on to get him from point A to point B. Now he would have a chair to do that for him, all I had to do was help him in and out of it.
When we reached the ramp, I turned us around backwards and pulled him up the ramp. There wasn’t really any reason why I should push him. He was a heavier set man and it was so much easier to dig my toes in and just pull him. When we reached the door, he pulled it open while I popped his chair into a wheelie and we were in the house.
“Surprise” Jana, Wayne and Aaron all shouted.
I looked over and there it was. Glistening red and black. The most beautiful wheelchair on the face of the planet. I won’t lie, it was a sight for sore eyes.
“It’s called a Jazzy.” Jana told me as I lifted Justin from his obsolete wheelchair into his new one.
“How do I work it?” Justin asked
“I’m not sure, your daddy ran it into everything trying to get it in the house.” She said and we all looked at Wayne, who had turned red.
“Just take it for a few spins.” I said, picking up Nathaniel. Who wasn’t having it because he wanted to play on his daddy’s new toy.
“Ali, don’t tease the child. I’ll ride him.” Justin said.
“Justin, you don’t even know how to work it yet.” I said teasing.
“Just trust me.” He said.
“I’m trying but it’s a scary thought.” we both laughed and with that him and Nathan were off, leaving me Jana and Wayne to enjoy the quiet.
“Not but two weeks until Halloween, we really should start getting ready.” Jana said.
“I got Nathan’s costume. It is going to be a blast. Now that he is walking, I can’t wait.” I said, looking around for something to snack on.
“What is he going to be? Ali, you’ve kept it a surprise for the past two days.” Jana said. “Show me.”
It was almost like she was begging and she wasn’t lying, I had went to pigeon forge and bought it from carters, Justin in the passengers seat and Nathaniel in the back.
We walked into what had once been the spare bedroom, and I pulled it out of the closet. A little white and brown cow costume. I couldn’t help myself, it was just to cute on and off of him. So being the person I was, I splurged and bought the costume.
“It is adorable.” Jana sounded like a school girl
“I know right, I couldn’t help myself. You should have seen him in it.” I replied back.
“Let’s go put him in it.” Jana said and we rushed down the hall to the living room to get him. We hadn’t realized that it was so late until we reached the living room. It was already dark out.
“Where is Nathan?” I said feeling stupid because I didn’t know where he was.
Justin said, “Right here.” and as I looked down. On Justin’s lap asleep in that stupid wheelchair was Nathan. I road him around the living room I don’t know how many times and he just passed out. My arm is asleep so mom is going to grab him and then we can go to bed.”
“We? Where is Nathan going?” I asked
“Mom wants to let him sleep with her tonight. She keeps saying you need a full nights sleep and between me and Nathan you never get one..” Justin answered.
“Really?” I asked.
“yeah, I told her I didn’t know what she was so worried about, it’s not like your human, your super woman.” He replied with a laugh.
Sleep came easy to me that night, and with the following weeks of not having to help Justin with everything and focus on myself and what I have been putting off in order to make sure he was taken care of as well as Nathan, such as a shower. I started to feel a lot better and the days seemed to fly by a lot quicker. It’s strange how that happens. The happier you are the quicker that time flies. Everything was going smoothly until the night before Halloween when his “Friend” Amber started texting him, again. Like seriously, when was she going to see that he was married and she wasn’t what he wanted. The phone rang and Justin was half asleep so I grabbed it. It was amber.
“Hey, babe.” she said
Seriously Hey babe? What a stupid whore. I wish she would just leave us alone, I thought to myself.
“He’s asleep.” I texted back
“Well if you would stay the fuck off his phone and trust him a little more maybe he wouldn’t be out fucking me.” Her text hit me like knifes. I didn’t even say anything to provoke it. What the hell?
“Really Amber, are you messed up in the head? Leave me alone and Justin too. I’m going to bed.” I texted.
“Of course you would, your nothing but a skank anyway. He doesn’t even love you, he loves me.” She replied.
By that time I was fuming I picked up Justin’s phone and threw it, hitting him dead center his back. He turned around and I yelled,
“What the fuck is wrong with you, you cheating son of a bitch.”
“What are you talking about?” Justin said, sitting up.
“Amber texted and flipped out on me.” I told him the whole story.
“You don’t believe her do you?” He asked.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore Justin.” I said, taking off my wedding ring and setting it on the night stand.
“Ali where are you going?” Justin asked.
“To sleep on the couch.”
“Can’t we talk about this?” Justin begged. “I’m sorry.”
“No Justin, your not, if you were sorry you would have never done it.” I hissed.
I stormed out of the room and passed Aaron who just stood there. I sat in the living room for hours before returning to retrieve my wedding band and a pillow. How could this be happening, again? I was just to stupid, to blind. I was never going to learn my lesson, no matter how many curves he threw at me no matter how many times he hurt me, I always came back. I loved him to much to stay away for to long. It wasn’t in my nature. I had no excuse. Maybe I liked the abuse. I will never know. But what matters is she is just trying to start a fight, that is all girls are good for anyway. My mind kept running in the same direction all night. Leave or stay. I chose to stay and no matter what make this work. No matter what. I kept running the texts through my head, over and over, I replayed them, wondering why, until finally sleep over came me.
When we reached the ramp, I turned us around backwards and pulled him up the ramp. There wasn’t really any reason why I should push him. He was a heavier set man and it was so much easier to dig my toes in and just pull him. When we reached the door, he pulled it open while I popped his chair into a wheelie and we were in the house.
“Surprise” Jana, Wayne and Aaron all shouted.
I looked over and there it was. Glistening red and black. The most beautiful wheelchair on the face of the planet. I won’t lie, it was a sight for sore eyes.
“It’s called a Jazzy.” Jana told me as I lifted Justin from his obsolete wheelchair into his new one.
“How do I work it?” Justin asked
“I’m not sure, your daddy ran it into everything trying to get it in the house.” She said and we all looked at Wayne, who had turned red.
“Just take it for a few spins.” I said, picking up Nathaniel. Who wasn’t having it because he wanted to play on his daddy’s new toy.
“Ali, don’t tease the child. I’ll ride him.” Justin said.
“Justin, you don’t even know how to work it yet.” I said teasing.
“Just trust me.” He said.
“I’m trying but it’s a scary thought.” we both laughed and with that him and Nathan were off, leaving me Jana and Wayne to enjoy the quiet.
“Not but two weeks until Halloween, we really should start getting ready.” Jana said.
“I got Nathan’s costume. It is going to be a blast. Now that he is walking, I can’t wait.” I said, looking around for something to snack on.
“What is he going to be? Ali, you’ve kept it a surprise for the past two days.” Jana said. “Show me.”
It was almost like she was begging and she wasn’t lying, I had went to pigeon forge and bought it from carters, Justin in the passengers seat and Nathaniel in the back.
We walked into what had once been the spare bedroom, and I pulled it out of the closet. A little white and brown cow costume. I couldn’t help myself, it was just to cute on and off of him. So being the person I was, I splurged and bought the costume.
“It is adorable.” Jana sounded like a school girl
“I know right, I couldn’t help myself. You should have seen him in it.” I replied back.
“Let’s go put him in it.” Jana said and we rushed down the hall to the living room to get him. We hadn’t realized that it was so late until we reached the living room. It was already dark out.
“Where is Nathan?” I said feeling stupid because I didn’t know where he was.
Justin said, “Right here.” and as I looked down. On Justin’s lap asleep in that stupid wheelchair was Nathan. I road him around the living room I don’t know how many times and he just passed out. My arm is asleep so mom is going to grab him and then we can go to bed.”
“We? Where is Nathan going?” I asked
“Mom wants to let him sleep with her tonight. She keeps saying you need a full nights sleep and between me and Nathan you never get one..” Justin answered.
“Really?” I asked.
“yeah, I told her I didn’t know what she was so worried about, it’s not like your human, your super woman.” He replied with a laugh.
Sleep came easy to me that night, and with the following weeks of not having to help Justin with everything and focus on myself and what I have been putting off in order to make sure he was taken care of as well as Nathan, such as a shower. I started to feel a lot better and the days seemed to fly by a lot quicker. It’s strange how that happens. The happier you are the quicker that time flies. Everything was going smoothly until the night before Halloween when his “Friend” Amber started texting him, again. Like seriously, when was she going to see that he was married and she wasn’t what he wanted. The phone rang and Justin was half asleep so I grabbed it. It was amber.
“Hey, babe.” she said
Seriously Hey babe? What a stupid whore. I wish she would just leave us alone, I thought to myself.
“He’s asleep.” I texted back
“Well if you would stay the fuck off his phone and trust him a little more maybe he wouldn’t be out fucking me.” Her text hit me like knifes. I didn’t even say anything to provoke it. What the hell?
“Really Amber, are you messed up in the head? Leave me alone and Justin too. I’m going to bed.” I texted.
“Of course you would, your nothing but a skank anyway. He doesn’t even love you, he loves me.” She replied.
By that time I was fuming I picked up Justin’s phone and threw it, hitting him dead center his back. He turned around and I yelled,
“What the fuck is wrong with you, you cheating son of a bitch.”
“What are you talking about?” Justin said, sitting up.
“Amber texted and flipped out on me.” I told him the whole story.
“You don’t believe her do you?” He asked.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore Justin.” I said, taking off my wedding ring and setting it on the night stand.
“Ali where are you going?” Justin asked.
“To sleep on the couch.”
“Can’t we talk about this?” Justin begged. “I’m sorry.”
“No Justin, your not, if you were sorry you would have never done it.” I hissed.
I stormed out of the room and passed Aaron who just stood there. I sat in the living room for hours before returning to retrieve my wedding band and a pillow. How could this be happening, again? I was just to stupid, to blind. I was never going to learn my lesson, no matter how many curves he threw at me no matter how many times he hurt me, I always came back. I loved him to much to stay away for to long. It wasn’t in my nature. I had no excuse. Maybe I liked the abuse. I will never know. But what matters is she is just trying to start a fight, that is all girls are good for anyway. My mind kept running in the same direction all night. Leave or stay. I chose to stay and no matter what make this work. No matter what. I kept running the texts through my head, over and over, I replayed them, wondering why, until finally sleep over came me.
