A Birthday To Remember
After thanksgiving I got right on to throwing things together for Nathaniel’s first birthday party, seeing I only had to days left to do so. I put in for his cake and did some last minute shopping, wrapped presents and still tried to keep Nathaniel out of them. Time started to whirl around me and blur my senses. I couldn’t believe that my little boy was turning one. He was growing up and not going to need me. Justin thought that I was being stupid because I would sit up and cry about it at night.
“What are you crying for?” Justin asked one night
“Nothing.” I said
“Ali, don’t lie to me. Why the hell are you so worked up?” he asked
It fell silent. I sat there for a long time wondering if I should tell him or not, he’d just call me stupid. Finally I broke down and told him.
“My baby is growing up, he can walk and feed himself, he’s turning one tomorrow and he isn’t going to need me anymore.”
“That is fucking retarded ali. Seriously?” He said
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” I yelled “All you care about is sleeping around.”
I knew as soon as I said it I had fucked up and I knew what was coming. The blow stung but I deserved it. You don’t yell at Justin. It’s just something that doesn’t happen.
“Yell at me again ali and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat.” he said
“I didn’t yell but if you want me too I can. “ I said
Justin stood up and I knew it was coming. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? I was just feeding Justin’s anger.
The stinging sensation, went to fiery hot as he struck me for the second time in two minutes. Enough was enough I really needed to get out of there, so I walked out of the room and lit up a menthol, and inhaled deeply. Letting the mint flavor of the cigarette fill my lungs, letting the stress and hatred leave my body.
“Mommy.”
I looked down and Nathaniel was standing beside me. I took his hand and smiled.
“Yes son?” I asked
He just smiled and hugged my leg. Letting me know that I had him and that no matter what he would always love me. Later, that evening after laying Nathaniel down for bed Justin had begged me to talk to him. Almost as if the silent treatment was more than he could handle. I avoided talking to him. I knew it would just cause a fight and with Nathaniel’s birthday tomorrow I was stressed enough. I just didn’t need his bull shit on top of everything else. I avoided going into the room until I absolutely had too.
“I’m sorry.” Justin said as I crawled into bed. “I lost my temper.”
“Yeah.” I said as I rolled away from him.
“Ali you have to understand.” He replied.
“Understand what Justin? I understand allot more than you think, I’m not stupid.” I growled. “Now leave me alone, I’m ready for bed.”
“I love you.” He said
“I love you too. Now just leave me be.” I replied.
The next morning I was up at 8 am, dressing myself and Nathaniel and trying to wake Justin up. I felt like I had to make it up to him for being so mean last night, besides today was Nathaniel’s birthday and there was no reason why we should be fighting whatsoever.
“Justin, Wake up. I need you to watch Nathan so I can run to the store and get the cake.”
“Can’t you see if mom will do it?” He asked
“Sure thing.” I said and walked out of the room and down the hall. “Hey Jana, do you care to watch Nathan while I run to the store and pick up his cake?”
“As long as you hurry, we still have to drive to Decatur and pick up your brother and sisters.” She said.
“I will” I replied and with that I was gone. Getting into the car I prepared myself for the fifteen minute commute from our house to the nearest store. I kept thinking the whole way there “I hope it looks as good as they assured me it would.”
Pulling up to the store, I felt a bit of nervousness. I had never done this birthday thing before, It was starting to get a little overwhelming. I walked in and went straight to the bakery.
“I’m here to pick up a cake for Alicia Gay.” I said sounding timid
“I’ll run and get them.” the lady said as she ran off into the back of the bakery. “Are these yours?” She asked returning.
As I looked inside at the cakes I was awestruck. They were perfect in everyway. Down to the red icing the circled the cake. And what made it even better was that the smaller of the two cakes, Nathaniel’s cake, looked exactly like the bigger cake.
“Yes that’s them.” I said
“I hope you enjoy them” The lady said as I grabbed the cakes and went to walk away. But no sooner than I did a balloon caught my eye.
“Can I get that balloon blown up?” I asked one of the clerks while I was in line.
“Sure I’ll be right back” she said
When she came back she rang us up, “that is 33.50” she said
“Okay.” I replied as I pulled out my food stamp card and swiped it away.
Running out to the care with two cakes and a balloon was allot harder than first thought. I almost lost the balloon and the cakes were so heavy together that I had to carry them at a snails pace. Getting to my car was the best feeling ever. Like I could feel the blood rushing back to my arms. I sat the cakes in the front seat and put the balloon in the back of the station wagon and I was on my way home. By the time I got home most of the decorations were up and Vikki and Dalton were there because mom was in Athens and had dropped them off. And it wasn’t long after that, that there were it seemed like a million people in the house waiting to eat. The same people who had been there just two days before, a couple of my close friends but none of Justin. As a matter of a fact, Justin wasn’t even there, he had got “called into work” as he told me and Jana but later on it turns out that he was running around with some girl named Holly, but that is for a different chapter.
Everything seemed more at ease with Justin gone and the party ran smoothly. Nathaniel loved to be the center of attention and man was he. Everybody took there time handing him his gifts. He was so surprised every time he got another one. After opening the gifts from everyone else it was time for the big guns. I brought out to huge boxes with red bows on them, inside one was a trike and inside the other was the stuff for the trike. Nathaniel was more than happy when he opened the boxes to our surprise though, he played more with the box that day than the trike.
After presents I got out the cake and took it to Nathan. It was beautiful but not for long. We all sang happy birthday and let Nathaniel blow out his one candle, which required allot more practice than you would think, but it took me forever to teach him how to do it. After the cake, everyone left and I was alone with my little family. To be honest at that time I felt bad because Justin had missed the birthday party but I was more than glad that he was gone. I believe that God puts us in situations for a reason and that how you react to the situation helps god to help you in the long run and I think that is what he was doing that cold November day, was he was testing me. A test that I hoped I passed.
“What are you crying for?” Justin asked one night
“Nothing.” I said
“Ali, don’t lie to me. Why the hell are you so worked up?” he asked
It fell silent. I sat there for a long time wondering if I should tell him or not, he’d just call me stupid. Finally I broke down and told him.
“My baby is growing up, he can walk and feed himself, he’s turning one tomorrow and he isn’t going to need me anymore.”
“That is fucking retarded ali. Seriously?” He said
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” I yelled “All you care about is sleeping around.”
I knew as soon as I said it I had fucked up and I knew what was coming. The blow stung but I deserved it. You don’t yell at Justin. It’s just something that doesn’t happen.
“Yell at me again ali and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat.” he said
“I didn’t yell but if you want me too I can. “ I said
Justin stood up and I knew it was coming. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? I was just feeding Justin’s anger.
The stinging sensation, went to fiery hot as he struck me for the second time in two minutes. Enough was enough I really needed to get out of there, so I walked out of the room and lit up a menthol, and inhaled deeply. Letting the mint flavor of the cigarette fill my lungs, letting the stress and hatred leave my body.
“Mommy.”
I looked down and Nathaniel was standing beside me. I took his hand and smiled.
“Yes son?” I asked
He just smiled and hugged my leg. Letting me know that I had him and that no matter what he would always love me. Later, that evening after laying Nathaniel down for bed Justin had begged me to talk to him. Almost as if the silent treatment was more than he could handle. I avoided talking to him. I knew it would just cause a fight and with Nathaniel’s birthday tomorrow I was stressed enough. I just didn’t need his bull shit on top of everything else. I avoided going into the room until I absolutely had too.
“I’m sorry.” Justin said as I crawled into bed. “I lost my temper.”
“Yeah.” I said as I rolled away from him.
“Ali you have to understand.” He replied.
“Understand what Justin? I understand allot more than you think, I’m not stupid.” I growled. “Now leave me alone, I’m ready for bed.”
“I love you.” He said
“I love you too. Now just leave me be.” I replied.
The next morning I was up at 8 am, dressing myself and Nathaniel and trying to wake Justin up. I felt like I had to make it up to him for being so mean last night, besides today was Nathaniel’s birthday and there was no reason why we should be fighting whatsoever.
“Justin, Wake up. I need you to watch Nathan so I can run to the store and get the cake.”
“Can’t you see if mom will do it?” He asked
“Sure thing.” I said and walked out of the room and down the hall. “Hey Jana, do you care to watch Nathan while I run to the store and pick up his cake?”
“As long as you hurry, we still have to drive to Decatur and pick up your brother and sisters.” She said.
“I will” I replied and with that I was gone. Getting into the car I prepared myself for the fifteen minute commute from our house to the nearest store. I kept thinking the whole way there “I hope it looks as good as they assured me it would.”
Pulling up to the store, I felt a bit of nervousness. I had never done this birthday thing before, It was starting to get a little overwhelming. I walked in and went straight to the bakery.
“I’m here to pick up a cake for Alicia Gay.” I said sounding timid
“I’ll run and get them.” the lady said as she ran off into the back of the bakery. “Are these yours?” She asked returning.
As I looked inside at the cakes I was awestruck. They were perfect in everyway. Down to the red icing the circled the cake. And what made it even better was that the smaller of the two cakes, Nathaniel’s cake, looked exactly like the bigger cake.
“Yes that’s them.” I said
“I hope you enjoy them” The lady said as I grabbed the cakes and went to walk away. But no sooner than I did a balloon caught my eye.
“Can I get that balloon blown up?” I asked one of the clerks while I was in line.
“Sure I’ll be right back” she said
When she came back she rang us up, “that is 33.50” she said
“Okay.” I replied as I pulled out my food stamp card and swiped it away.
Running out to the care with two cakes and a balloon was allot harder than first thought. I almost lost the balloon and the cakes were so heavy together that I had to carry them at a snails pace. Getting to my car was the best feeling ever. Like I could feel the blood rushing back to my arms. I sat the cakes in the front seat and put the balloon in the back of the station wagon and I was on my way home. By the time I got home most of the decorations were up and Vikki and Dalton were there because mom was in Athens and had dropped them off. And it wasn’t long after that, that there were it seemed like a million people in the house waiting to eat. The same people who had been there just two days before, a couple of my close friends but none of Justin. As a matter of a fact, Justin wasn’t even there, he had got “called into work” as he told me and Jana but later on it turns out that he was running around with some girl named Holly, but that is for a different chapter.
Everything seemed more at ease with Justin gone and the party ran smoothly. Nathaniel loved to be the center of attention and man was he. Everybody took there time handing him his gifts. He was so surprised every time he got another one. After opening the gifts from everyone else it was time for the big guns. I brought out to huge boxes with red bows on them, inside one was a trike and inside the other was the stuff for the trike. Nathaniel was more than happy when he opened the boxes to our surprise though, he played more with the box that day than the trike.
After presents I got out the cake and took it to Nathan. It was beautiful but not for long. We all sang happy birthday and let Nathaniel blow out his one candle, which required allot more practice than you would think, but it took me forever to teach him how to do it. After the cake, everyone left and I was alone with my little family. To be honest at that time I felt bad because Justin had missed the birthday party but I was more than glad that he was gone. I believe that God puts us in situations for a reason and that how you react to the situation helps god to help you in the long run and I think that is what he was doing that cold November day, was he was testing me. A test that I hoped I passed.
